It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
