nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
