just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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