I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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