Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
