awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
