y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
