i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
