I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
