I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
