why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
