we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
