HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
