you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
