Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
