im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
