is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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