lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
