So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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