Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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