one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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