Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
