This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
