last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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