Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
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I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga