So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought