Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
zippers are such a cool invention
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?