I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
