My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
only you would photoshop your dick
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
