you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
