You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
