When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
