he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
