We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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