This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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