the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize