I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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