1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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