You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
