its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
