He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
