lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
the liver wants what the liver wants
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
