My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
