it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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