I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
