I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
