I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
