Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize