My boss' voice literally gives me gas
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
