Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
