So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
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the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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