No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
