Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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