I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
