$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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