Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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