I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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