i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
