I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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