I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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