I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
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Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
ok first of all what the fuck
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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