he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
