I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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