I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
