I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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