why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
