That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
