We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
