her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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