He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
