Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
