Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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