Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
