I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
