Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
