non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
