Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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