whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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