Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize