And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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